i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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