I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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