he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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