I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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