OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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