he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
