Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
