I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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