My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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