He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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