Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
