I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
