the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
