Do vagina's smell?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
