I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
