can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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