would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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