i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
