my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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