Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
