if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
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