Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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