dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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