Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
