too bad you live with your parents still
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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