its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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