Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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