I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
