I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You left your phone here
Wait...
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