When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
