I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am one with the molecules
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize