I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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