so explain again why im purple
no
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
