So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
