So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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