I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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