does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
