she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
