I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
