Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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