I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
