Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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