I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
