who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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