just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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