don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
