Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
