guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
