You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
