This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
