so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize