Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
