this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
