Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
