so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
