is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
