who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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