i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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