would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
