I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
