i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
