it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
