Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize