Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
