i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
