I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
