that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
