I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
