I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
