I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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