I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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