the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
