'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize