we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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