oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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