The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Drunk is not a location!
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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