This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
